...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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