Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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