a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am one with the molecules
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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