I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
