i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
