No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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