her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
