SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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