I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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