We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
