So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
