Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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