wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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