i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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