1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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