i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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