remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
