I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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