All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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