My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
