and you said cock pushups were impossible
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Randomize
