your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
