I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
