Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
