you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
