Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
