You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
