I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
