fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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