I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
