Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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