I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
sex in a hospital.. check
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
