Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Randomize
