My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
