I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
