I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
