Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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