he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Screwed.edu
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
