I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
