i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
