I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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