party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize