wrigley field is MILF paradise
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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