I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
