Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is my gift to your gina
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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