used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
