Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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