im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
soo... how was my night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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