I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
