I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
