i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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