Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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