so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
