Can i not drive my cunt home
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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