we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize