My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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