Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
