I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
