There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
