Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
