Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
