sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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