What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I stole a fireplace last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
