So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize