Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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