i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
