you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
