She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
