so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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