That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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