He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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