literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
