Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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